Thought I would be looking after kids, and in a way I am

I have been at Paddington Bowling Club for basically two years now. I know, right!? Disclaimer, shameless plug alert: http://www.paddobowls.com.au/
It has had the desired effect of paying my bills, making friends, opening my eyes to the good and bad side of Australians, and I have added to my repertoire of games I am most surely going to play when my back decides to finally give out. ( This could be tomorrow at the rate I am going at.) For those of you still confused about what the particulars of my job are, I will indulge you right now. This place is amalgamation of drinking, lawn bowling, and betting. PBC or as the Aussies call it, the Bowlo, is settled in the back streets of Woolarha and Paddington. This area has an English Charm with two-storied terraced houses that seem tiny from the front, but extend way back. There are a myriad of coffee shops/cafes as well as small boutique stores with their own flavor unlike anything in downtown Sydney. Among these shops and cafes are small pubs that fill up with young 20 somethings looking to have a schooner (type of glass, smaller than a pint) and revel in a more relaxed atmosphere than other areas to drink and hobnob ( I just looked up the origin of hobnob and derivation of the word comes from the 19th where two people drank to each other's health..I guess Paddington is pretty healthy with amount people drink a night.)
I applied for this job when I first came over in October 2006. I found it through the search website seek.com.au under the title "Sports Instructor". Believing that my many years of coaching and teaching kids would be more than enough credentials, I applied. I thought I would be in charge of kid groups and odd games. Sports instruction was probably the greatest misnomer/euphemism in all of the English Language, as I am doing anything but instruction or arguably Sporting. My role is to cater to corporate groups during the week ranging in size from 15 up to 150 people sometimes. I am their fearless leader in the abyss known of lawn bowling. The sport is played outside on an enormous green (there are two at PBC) which is divided into individual lanes. I teach these groups how to bowl. Without getting pedantic, it is extremely similar to Bocce Ball, except a person rolls a small bowling ball that is weighted on side, thereby making it turn as it rolls. I am providing a link for those of you who are still confounded. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawn_bowls
The club is very popular as companies come under the auspice of team building, but in truth, just come to get smashed. We are completely booked out for the month of December and January is already filling up. On a given weekday, there might be a total of 700 or more bowling in all the sessions combined. The time slots are as followed: 11-2, 2-5, 5-8
I explain the rules to which giving a speech that is about 5 minutes long to a large group of inebriated people, is an incredible feat. If I get 20 percent compliance on the house rules (no loud noises, no drinks on the green, one bowler at a time on the green, everyone else needs to be up on the concrete) and how to play, I deem this a smashing success. At this point, I am waiter, barman, score taker, babysitter, funny guy with an accent and looks at little old compared to the other staff. I am usually with my group for about 2 hours or a little more, guiding them through a round robin tournament and eventual final as well as getting them drinks. I also have the enviable role of being tormentor as after about 4-5 drinks and being in the sun, people start forgetting to be quiet and walking on the green with their drinks, at this point I am sternly talking to a lawyer or accountant 10 years my senior to not forget the rules. I always give the disclaimer in my presentation that I am cool guy, but this seems to be lost after the fifth time a rule has been broken. When given a free tab, we all know how some people get at these type of events. The mild manner person at the beginning of the session is now running around the green shirtless and screaming. The secretary is spilling her drinks on you for the fifth time. The list goes on and on; furthermore, drinking really brings out the competitive spirit. I have had some groups that groaned when first bowling, but by the end are arguing with me about which bowl is closer and/or are endlessly hugging and pointing to the heavens when they have won their group's championship. A lady last night, told me she was so nervous in the championship game that she wanted to throw up. Point of reference, she was the director of an advertisement company.
People look to me for answers on how to bowl and what to do, in most cases, I give a serious look and then make up whatever I feel is the best answer on strategy. If I don't know, still got to play the part.
As you can tell, I love it there. It is outside, I am able to talk for two hours and do minimal work, not including set up of the green which takes over an hour. I get to tell and perfect the same stories, which makes me look like a funny guy. Things are going to pick up as I said, so it is going to be full on for me, sometimes instructing 3 groups a day in the blazing sun.
In a way, as I just flushed out one of my responsibilities at PBC, I am instructing kids. I always thought that we should protect kids from drinking at an early age, I do agree with this notion, but I am adding an amendment to this notion: Save the 23- 50 yr old corporate person. My god, the childish stuff they do sometimes is unfathomable. The amount of cajoling I have to do not to break the rules is unreal. It is like Bill Cosby once stated about Parenthood, I am constantly repeating myself where to my chagirn, I think people believe I have a stutter. No No No No, take the drink off green, take the drink off green, take the drink off green, please put your pants on, you can't streak here, please put your pants on, you can't streak here, please put your pants on, you can't streak here, please put your pants on, you can't streak here, Don't throw the bowl at your mate, it will hurt, Don't throw the bowl at your mate, it will hurt, Don't throw the bowl at your mate, it will hurt. The bathroom is inside not outside, The bathroom is inside not outside, The bathroom is inside not outside, The bathroom is inside not outside. Putting the Jack in your mouth is dirty and unacceptable, Putting the Jack in your mouth is dirty and unacceptable, Putting the Jack in your mouth is dirty and unacceptable.
Throughout my summer here, I am going to include more stories about PBC, explain my other roles there (bartender, physical laborer and possible manager), so get ready to be bowled over. Had to do it, sorry.