Taking a Holiday

All this writing these past weeks have left me with a writer´s cramp. Therefore, I have called in a guest writer all the way from China that small country tucked away down there. Jed has taken to a new sport besides setting the record of doing research in only your boxer shorts. Enjoy.

What I think I'm enjoying most right now in my China life is my burgeoning athletic career. I wake up at 6:15 every morning and go and play Chinese hackysack with this group of grizzled old dudes down in Ditan (temple of the earth) park. I'm pretty F'ing good; modesty be damned.
One of these guys I've been playing with has been talking to me about "Chinese-style wrestling" for the longest time, so a few weekends ago I thought I'd give it a try. Fast forward to today: I have made a terrible mistake. I'm bruised. I'm battered. But I've become the star attraction at the weekly 2-day tournament. Here's how "Chinese-style wrestling" goes down: two dudes, both wearing traditional wrestling vests cinched tightly with cloth belts, square off in a 16ft dirt circle. The key in Chinese wrestling is "fist work;" to get a good hand grip on your opponent. And the objective is simply to throw your opponent to the ground or push him out of the ring. There's no punching, no kicking, it's just pushing and pulling on each other's vests and attempting leg sweeps. It's scored: one point if you both fall, two points if one of you is still standing, and three points if you still have your cigarette clenched between your yellowed, scraggly man-teeth. Arrrgh!
The first time I showed up, the call went out to scour the park in search of a sporting opponent. I was poked and prodded and asked how many push ups I can do. Bear in mind "push up" is a euphemism for sexual prowess in China. We did not know that, Dude. After much mocking about my lowly number, I was paired up against this 55 year old, who was a good 4 inches shorter than me. Seemingly impossible, I know. (midget jokes, ha. ha. . . . ha.) Dude was 160 lbs and all muscle. Our bout, which is scored to 10, lasted about 6 minutes and went something like this:
Jed: Ok. I'm just gonna' play defensive. Let him come to me and use his ....AKH!
Him: Grunt ::sticks leg behind me, shoves me over::
Crowd: ::unconcealed mirth at my defeat::
Repeat 10 times.
I was sore as anything, but laughing stupidly the entire time. It was actually really funny standing up and getting thrown down in this constant repetitive stream. He kept somehow getting inside my guard and just flipping me over his hip. Just stalling and trying to hold the guy off was one of the most grueling exercise experiences I've had in a long time. I did not realize I had muscles in my palm that could seize up. I now have random strangers coming up to me in the park -- and on the street in odd places -- giving me advice about "fist work" and telling me I'll only get better if I practice and listen to my teacher. Gotta' love China.